And then a month happened. Again.
You guys … In a crappy twist of fate just as I was lacing up to go deeper on my truth-telling odyssey, some stuff came up that impacts me immensely but includes some truthy stuff that isn’t all mine to share.
So, I’ve been in this weird, hard, uncomfortable place dealing with some of life’s most difficult decisions without being able to say too much about it, for now.
And that is super frustrating for me in a way I couldn’t describe until a friend shared this quote with me from Julia Cameron’s book “The Right to Write:”
"Writing is how I do everything. Writing is how I metabolize life. It is food for thought and it is food itself. If a difficult situation comes up in my life, I write at it as well as write about it." (p. 29-30)
A few paragraphs later she continues:
"Writing is medicine. It is an appropriate antidote to injury. It is an appropriate companion for any difficult change. Because writing is a practice of observation as much as invention, we can become curious as much as frightened in the face of change. Writing about change, we can help is along, lean into it, cooperate. Writing allows us to rewrite our lives." (p. 31)
So while I’ve been writing a lot in my journals, I couldn’t get my heart into posting because I feel I’m being disingenuous with you, my friends and one or two random haters, when I’m writing about other things and not being honest about what else is happening.
I’ve decided though, having pulled through probably the worst of it—at least I pray that is the case—that I’m ready to get back to living my life, even if part of it has to be tucked away for now.
Anyway, long story
short drawn out, that’s how come a month happened since my last post.
But let’s not waste any time lamenting the passing of it, but instead jump right in discussing how to savor it.
By taking notes. All kinds of them: In my journal, on index cards, in my Project Life folder* and on my beloved Evernote app.
*I say Project Life folder because I am approximately 44 weeks behind for 2014 and yet I still have complete faith I’ll put the scrapbook together someday because it’s not so much about catching up as it is collecting notes and photos to be pulled together and savored another time.
Worst case? I just have more index cards for the kids to sift through someday. A lot of them will be random “wonder what she was thinking?” but I know some will be a little gift to them, years from now.
Anne Lamott dedicated an entire chapter in her book Bird by Bird, Some Instructions on Writing and Life to the subject of index cards.
“My index-card life is not efficient or well organized. Hostile, aggressive students insist on asking what I do with all my index cards. And all I can say is that I have them. I took notes on them…”
I have them, too.
And because I am one of those aggressive, hostile students curious about the process of others, I will share one of the things I do with my index cards and scraps:
I made this little index box into a “Says you” quote keeper and tuck random things the boys say behind their tabs.
I am sharing a few to show that they are literally scribbles of word polaroids, captured conversations.
May 3, 2013 | Sam: Mama! I’m thinking the van is shorter. Someone must’ve, like, cut off part of the bottom because I used to have to jump a long way to the ground and now I don’t.
Me: Or maybe you grew.
Sam: Actually, that’s probably it.
June 14, 2014 | I have a picture somewhere of Sam looking something up in the dictionary, and several of Matt doing so. I love that we are “let’s look it up” people.
I overheard Sam say the following to Jake and it made me feel my work here is done: “Stories have a beginning and an end and the middle is what makes you care about the end.”
May 20, 2014 | Jake said: “God is from the ground to the top of space. God is bigger than everything. How does the moon keep moving?”
I love that I captured this on paper because it captures his certainty and wonder. I love that I noted some of our pre-churchgoer conversations about what we believe about God.
You guys this is a super easy way to take notes on the ordinary bits and pieces of our lives to savor later.
Today, right now – even if parts of it are sucking – is what will make up our “good old days.”
What do you want to remember?
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