Nathalie's Notes

Ladies and Gentlemen ... we have a self-soother

An amazing, wonderful thing has happened at the Hardy house. Sam slept through the night in his crib. And tonight, his sweet smile is what I saw as I left his nursery and all I heard was him cooing at Giraffe.

I've heard so much crying this last week I hear phantom cries now. I keep checking to see if the monitor is on and charged because it is so quiet.

This week's FAQs:

Q: Did you get my message?

A: Uhm.

Q: Have you seen {insert any random household item}?

A: Uhm. {i found lucy's aspirin in the refrigerator tonight.}

Q: So what exactly is this sleep training?

A: It is hideous! I repeat: hideous. Also, magic. Let me break it down, Bobby Brown. It's this super specific technique for sleep training. The idea is to create a "self-soother" and set your baby up to be able to put himself to sleep because you've taught him that he is capable of it. It turns out to be pretty much exactly what people were telling me to do anyway: you've got to just let him cry it out.

And I used to think: But that's so mean! Who just listens to their baby cry? You don't listen to them cry, dummy. You practice noise abatement. Or go have a nice little cry of your own on the front porch. And, this was key for me, you time the crying so you a) have a measure of your success night after night and b) you have proof that forever is actually 3 and a half minutes. The specific method is this: create a consistent bedtime routine for baby, put him to bed, leave the room. If he cries, let him. Wait five minutes before responding. If he's still crying in five minutes, go back in to see if there's a little hand sticking out of the crib, etc. If something is wrong, fix it quickly. If all is well, make eye contact, say sternly that it's bed time and leave. This is to be done lovingly but firmly.

It sucks. Also what sucked was finding out how wrong I did it on the first night. I hadn't read the book yet and was just going to start letting him "cry it out." The next morning Matt asked how it went.

Not so good.

Well, tell me what did and didn't work so I can try it tonight.

Nothing worked. I tried patting him on the back. I tried singing, rocking, lying on the floor next to him, bink, no bink, Giraffe, Sheep ...

Ummm. Did you try letting him cry?

He was crying the whole time I did all of those things.

Babe, I think you misunderstood the instructions.

Now Reading?

Glancing at my "Now Reading" and "Recently Read" sidebars makes me laugh. I used to read. A lot. I mowed through books, rarely taking longer than a few days to finish one. I also had a policy of moving on to another book if I couldn't get into one after a few chapters.

A funny sidenote: as I mentioned, Mischelle gave Sam a copy of "If you give a pig a pancake" with a little pig that oinks when you squeeze it. I accidently squeezed it while feeding Sam last night. Oink. Oink. Oink. Matt glances over and laughs, "It's never too early to start developing an eating disorder." Rad.

I thought nursing would be conducive to my reading since I figured out what size books I needed to get to balance the baby and the book while feeding him. It worked beautifully until the day Baby Chi Chi started realizing there was more to the world than his most basic needs. He seemed to start to wonder: "Hey, what are you doing?" He'd stop nursing and glance up at me and reach for my book, my water bottle, my whatever-I-was-doing-in-addition-to-nursing him.

Now he's developed the grasp that allows him to pull and wrinkle pages which means the books I'm reading these days while nursing him are made entirely of cloth and have two, or three, words per page. Teeth Bright. Good Night. Sleep Tight. Stimulating stuff.

So I have piles of books around the house that I'd like to finish reading but more accurate than "now reading" would be "now flipping through when time permits."

With the exception of the sleep training book. I finished that the first night while trying to let him "cry it out." Which, by the way, he's doing as I type this. Where did I leave the Advil bottle?

we are coping.

thanks for checking.

p.s. did i mention sleep training sucks? but tonight is supposed to be the magic night. or else.

{i don't know what else. i can't think clearly at the moment. i can't even return the book for a refund because i checked it out at the library}.

Sleep training sucks

So far "sleep training" pretty much just sucks. It is 2:14 a.m. Sam's been crying since 12:53, I have all the fans in the house as "noise abatement." Lucy and I are just fit to be tied. Matt, by some freak of nature, is sleeping. To his credit, he took last night's Sleep Training Night #2 Shift. I really messed up the first night, so technically maybe this is actually Night #2. I didn't finish reading the book before we started as we were eager to begin on a Friday night. We came home too late from Portland and then I hovered in his room trying to console him not realize I was missing the whole point of creating a self-soother by singing and shushing. But damn, it seems so wrong to let him cry like this.

I cringed when people said I'd have to let him "just cry it out." And even then I didn't realize it would be this bad. Ohhh! As I type this I can hear that he turned his music mobile on all by himself. This makes me cry more. Because I love him so much. Also because I am over-tired and over-emotional.

I almost threw in the towel pillow when I got to this part in the book detailing the quick-check method:

8. Make a commitment to follow this program for a minimum of three nights. Then be absolutely consistent in adhering to the procedures. Don't give in - no matter how much your baby cries. If your baby vomits after agitated crying, go in quickly to clean up the mess and then leave before he is asleep.

All I have to say right now is that this better work. Also, I would make a crappy soldier. I have no will under these severe sleep deprived conditions. I would give just about anything for a real night's sleep. I would hate to have to return the baby; but he has to fix his ways or else this relationship can not continue.

Like I said in a 1 a.m. e-mail to Jocelyn. He is very stubborn. Or determined. Depends on if I'm complaining or bragging.

When I left his room I muttered to myself "This hurts me more than it hurts you" and I realized that I've arrived.

Notice

NOTICE*

We are sleep training Sam.

For the next week

the following can be expected:

1. crying at night
2. dishes in the sink
3. a messy house
4. short-tempered parents

Enter only if you have support to give.

*From Teach your baby to sleep through the night by Drs. Schaefer and Petronko

Adventures with Avocados

For St. Patrick's Day, in honor of some of my people, Sam tried his first green food: avocados. As you can see in the pictures he did not love them. He did, however, love eating.

I am aware that many people have gone before me and managed to feed their children without creating eating disordered food freaks. Having struggled so much in this area of my life, this introduction to eating and food is one area I really don't want to mess up so it helps me to have some guidance.

At first I was absorbing as much as I could from Ruth Yaron's Super Baby Foods book that Mel gave me. It is a wonderful book full of advice, practical and otherwise, and I'm glad I have it as a resource. However, Good Lord! I was reading through the same chapter for the third time with a highlighter and post-it notes and recognized that despite my best efforts, I was already turning this food thing into a freak show. Millions of parents feed their babies without, um, annotated notes. These photos are the result of relaxing and having a little fun with food.

And other ways Oregon has changed me

I'm on a mission to find real vanilla beans so I can make my own vanilla to cook with. While waiting for the natural foods store to open last weekend, I took a stroll around Goodwill. I found a vintage Superman lunch box to store seasoning packets in and sunglasses to replace the super cool pair that broke in the car accident.

I wanted to wear them right away so I struggled to take the tag off for a moment before turning to the guy behind me in line. For the purpose of this story it does not matter what he looked like as this is Oregon.

"Excuse me, can I borrow your pocket knife for a second?"

"Hey, do I look like the kind of guy who carries a knife around?" He chuckles while pulling one out of his pocket.

"Well, this is Oregon so I figured my odds were good. Also, mine is in my diaper bag in the truck."

He wipes the blade on his (dirty) jeans and explains the dried blood is from a recent hunting trip.

Dude. I don't care if you killed someone with it, I just want to wear the glasses. There is a time I would not have been so much okay with the dirty, bloody knife but hey, there was also a time I wouldn't believe I would pack a pocket knife around. In my diaper bag no less.

p.s. still no luck on the beans.

Rubber Ducky

One of my favorite things about Sam is how well he adapts to new things. It was the highlight of my week to watch him experience his new bathtub. He loved it. He got right in there and put his arms out on the edges like he was chillin' in a Jacuzzi.

What would you clip?

I'm putting finishing touches on my Nathalie's Notes: Mom about town; Adventures with Baby Chi Chi column pitch and I'm just wondering if you can help me answer this:

What (if anything) is missing in your local paper that would be helpful to you in terms of identifying with your community and using it (the paper) as a helpful resource? What would make you take scissors to the paper and clip something for your fridge, purse or to mail to a friend?

For me, I enjoy reading the op-ed pieces and letters to connect with what other people around town are thinking/feeling. I also just like reading the local personality feature stories and the Greens & Beans column to get new ideas.

Call for help

"He beat the shit out of her, but you know she probably had it coming."

Someone I love recently said this to me in a casual conversation. Instead of politely waiting for her to finish the sentence I interjected that, in fact, NO ONE has that coming. I suspect she rolled her eyes on the other end of the line and thought "Oh, great. Here we go again."

Yep. Here we go again. And frankly, sorry it's been so long. There is work to be done and I am able-bodied, loud-mouthed and willing.

A few years ago, when we lived at the Coast, I volunteered at the Women's Crisis Center serving on the board and working the hot line. It was one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of my life.

Despite the positive aspects, I didn't have the tools to deal with how emotionally exhausting it was and I used that as an excuse not to continue the work when I moved back to the Valley. But I miss it. I would occasionally see requests for help in the paper and think about going back but end up convincing myself I wasn't ready yet.

But the Universe disagrees and continues to whisper in my ear reasons I need to get back to it. There is work to be done. And I am ready to roll up my sleeves.

The Henderson House in McMinnville has a call out for volunteers. Training begins in April. Baby Chi Chi and I are signed up to attend. Who is with us?