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Lessons from Lucy Baby

2012-11-24 15.00.12

As I was on deadline for another column I couldn’t believe I haven’t told you guys yet about my Lucy Baby.

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It doesn’t feel like a month ago that she died. My sweet, crazy pup. I still cringe pulling into the driveway late at night, lest she bark and wake the boys. But, she doesn’t.

Finding her stocking in the Christmas trunk is just what I was talking about in my last column, dedicated to her: Grief laced with gratitude.

I miss her. I hate that she’s gone. But, since it’s been a month … I’m actually writing this without crying. The acute, shocked fog of my grief has faded.

Reading my blog archives remembering her, how intensely I loved her … my first baby … that brings tears to my eyes and a sharp twist in my heart. But that will probably always be true.

Lucy was special for a lot of reasons, but one that might not make sense to a lot of people is that she taught me that it is possible to love someone/something as if it were your own … for years I struggled with the possibility that my parents couldn’t really even though they said they loved me, and seemed to mean it, but secretly I wondered, really? Wouldn’t you love me more if I was biologically yours?

This is a ridiculously simplified version of reality, but the condensed version of this story is that in loving Lucy, in taking care of her as a puppy, worrying about her ahead of myself … I learned that yes, without a doubt, my parents could love me as much as anyone else’s even if we didn’t have our blood types in common.

I learned a lot from my Lucy Baby, but that’s one of the lifetime lessons she gave me.

Guys, I know there’ve been some bummer posts on here but I have to tell you … there is still joy in my heart and gratitude … so know that despite the hard stuff, I still see and seek the good and we are doing  alright. This is just … real life.

Now, I know there are some elf haters out there … but since Finn the Elf made his debut, fun posts to follow!

Also … super excited to share THIS weekend I’m turning in the final documents for my journaling class The Art of Self Preservation I get to teach through Big Picture Classes. {Hello, dream come true!}

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