Nathalie's Notes

The "v" word, and my new column

Somehow I managed to write a whole column about this flu season without mentioning the word "vaccine" once. It helps, of course, that I'm limited to 600 words! And that I generally try to avoid being all controversial in a column intended to highlight the commonalities of parents rather than foster the polarizing debates that so often plague playgrounds, social networking sites and such.

That being said ... it's not that I don't have opinions. I know, imagine that. Just this morning I felt compelled to respond to a friend's post on Facebook. The post: "I wish people would inform themselves instead of falling into the "fear of pandemic"....." To which I responded with: "Hi friend, I agree with the informing themselves part ... of course it depends on where you get your information and which sources you trust. I think this is such a personal decision and don't blame anyone for making the call either way (NOT saying you do :) ) Just saying that a lot of people who do get vaccinated, like say 7-month pregnant me, didn't do it out of fear and feel like they did a lot of homework on this. We've talked about this before, but the whole vaccine thing has been one of the hardest decisions I've had to make as a parent. Partly, b/c I'm not in the medical field and getting informed is hard when there is so much conflicting information and such powerful personal stories." The comments to follow were generally people who were choosing not to get the H1N1 vaccine but they were also understanding of it being a difficult decision. Interesting to note, for me, was the fact that some of the comments also included stories of some severe reactions to vaccines and one person who died from complications from the vaccine. Well, don't those stories create some fear, too? Wouldn't it be fair, then, to say that fear based on the personal stories of others is also informing some people's decisions not to vaccinate? And isn't that fear valid? I mean those to be rhetorical.

I didn't comment more on my friend's post because there is no point arguing out things like that. I respect her opinion, I trust the same is true in reverse. We all do whatever we feel is best for ourselves and our families. I just think we deserve some credit for being informed even if our conclusions differ. I'm not saying there aren't a bunch of mewling sheep out there. I've met them too. As an aside, and I think I've mentioned this here before but if this whole vaccine debacle is any indication of how public health care would run, it's going to lead me right into the arms of the Republican Party.

p.s. here's the new column link: http://www.newsregister.com/article/42117-baby+board+common+sense+ideas+uncommon+flu+season

Review: A Homemade Life

Hey there! Just checking in from Mt. Hood where it's mostly snowing, hailing and incessantly raining. There are, however, just enough sun breaks to make me feel hopeful that we'll do more than sit around the condo trying not to drive each other bonkers.

I read a book start to finish since we got up here, partly because of the aforementioned weather, partly because I'm sick and partly because I couldn't bear to put it down: A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg.

Reading the book made my mouth water even though all I could stomach was another Ricola and some more Sudafed; it made my heart hurt and my eyes tear more than once. It also made me smile in recognition, and at her witty turns of phrase.

I can all but guarantee you will eat this book up!

All along as I'm reading I'm thinking "I get this girl!" She is honest and raw and unflinchingly herself. Also butter doesn't make her flinch, and she’s found a way to incorporate chocolate into salads. Do you really need more of a reason to call Third Street Books (or your local indie bookstore) and get yours on the way? If you want to try out any of her recipes on me, I'd happily pull up a chair at your table.

My kitchen memoir, Not Like the Picture, is like Wizenberg's only in the sense that it chronicles the stories behind the food ... the memories ... my journey to the kitchen and the me I met in there. The key difference being you'll most certainly want to try Wizenberg's recipes. Mine are more like "what not to do" in the kitchen.

For example, the only chance I've had at bat this week in the kitchen I managed to set off the smoke alarms. This morning, though, I commandeered the kitchen to make some pesto out of stinging nettles. It'll be my little dinner surprise served over ravioli. Don't worry, I cooked the sting out of them!

With both hands

You guys know I'm a big believer in the power of words on paper.

 

My friend Karri wrote this letter to President Obama and I'm sharing it with you guys because it is a beautifully written example of honest, raw writing as well as admirable personal perspective.

 

I was especially proud of him this morning when I wrote to ask if I could share it with you guys and he said he'd already mailed it to the President. Looking forward to hearing the response, Karri.

 

This letter was written the same day Karri was laid off. It would have been easy for him to be bitter and harsh. Instead ... well, see for yourself. The last paragraph, especially, speaks for all of us.

Congratulations Mr. President,

Your victory is an historic achievement, but not untouched by adversity. Much as we give Black History the least of all months, your presidency lands in a time of global economic crisis, a crisis violence across countless borders, and closest to home, a crisis of faith in this once great nation.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for you sir, and at the same time sympathy. You carry the mantle of all our hopes of recovering from these desperate times squarely on your shoulders. Until today I looked at the unemployment issue from behind the insulated barrier of a regular paycheck. Until today, as to many Americans, the thousands being laid off from the likes of GM and Caterpillar were simply alarming figures. That all changed when the head of my small advertising company offered me a bankers' box and an apologetic handshake.

My selfish hope is that you sir, and those you drew into your cabinet, find a way to plant the seeds of renewed prosperity from the over-ripe fruit of our own negligent avarice.

I wouldn't presume to ask for a hand out, or even a hand up. Instead I offer you mine--both of them. Tell us Mr. President, how do we as Americans right the course we seem to have steered wide of? We're taking on water, and we could all use a little dry land.

Karri M. Rahkonen

P.S. Karri, you are going to be better than okay. My mom always said you were a rock star. I'm paraphrasing, but "nice, polite young man" is a little less glamorous.

And the winner is ... all of us

Also, I won the local election by 13 votes. I'm really excited about being a city councilor in the town I love, but not happy someone had to lose because I genuinely liked the three guys I was running against.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do in this situation. Is it like after a tennis match where you shake hands with your opponent, or is it more like an avoid eye contact kind of thing?

Dialed in for the debate

If we're being honest, I probably can't name more than a handful of vice presidents in our country's history and I have certainly neverwatched a V.P. candidate debate, and yet my planner is marked for tonight's debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. Because I want to get the jokes on "Saturday Night Live."

Oh, and also because it really, really matters to me that the person who is a heartbeat away from the presidency is qualified for the job. By qualified I don't mean "nice" or "a mom like me" or "a woman" or "I can see Russia from my house" or any of that. I mean a person who can step up and lead this country in the event that something happens to the president.

I have no problem with Sarah Palin as a person. If I was sitting next to her on an airplane or at the hockey rink, I'd probably enjoy a nice chat with her. But when I consider the possibility of President Palin, that I have a problem with. Our similarities end after the dark-haired, woman, mom. I am fundamentally opposed to her beliefs about just about everything. A small sample of where Palin and I part paths:

• Palin's belief in abstinence-only/head-in-the-sand sex education,
• a woman's right to choose (particularly in the events of rape and incest)
• that our country has any business being involved in a Holy War
• teaching creationism in public schools
• Oh, I could go on ...

And frankly, I disagree with her choice for a presidential candidate. So there you have it. If you're into making the debate a little more fun, the organization Moms Rising has created a "Bingo" card you can download and play along.

Where is the outrage?

Why aren't we talking more about this presidential election? And where is the outrage that something as important as electing our country's President has been reduced to debating lipstick - be it on a pig or pit bull?!?

Check out these clips- one is Saturday Night Live's bit with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and the other Matt Damon's summary of the situation.

Seriously - where was the Republican outcry about sexism in the campaign pre-Palin? And could anything be more sexist then telling women they should be "happy a women is still a contender" ?!?

Matt Damon on Palin

Saturday Night Live - truth in jest (watch the seconds of commercial and it'll come on)

 

What a great little town doesn't need

If you've talked to me for more than ten minutes, you probably know where I stand on the issue of strip clubs, porn shops and the like. Imagine my surprise while reading Saturday's News-Register that a bar on my street will be adding "adult entertainment" to the menu. Awesome.

Let me paint a little picture for you. I walk around this town pushing Sam's stroller feeling safe and grateful to live here every single day. A typical day's walk usually includes a stop at the post office, the coffee stand (even if it's just to say hi), a trip through the local grocery store to recycle cans/bottles and strolling around this "great little town" (that really is the town motto).

So I have to wonder what kind of person walks around this "Great Little Town" with its safe neighborhoods, children riding BMX's and playing at the park, its outdoor pool and friendly people and says to themselves, "Man, all this little town needs now is a strip club." No one. That's who.

What I got from the city council meeting last night was that while the council can't do much to stop it from coming, the citizens can apply enough (legal) pressure to encourage the owner this isn't the place for his, uh, enterprise.

So Sam might be joining his first picket line via Baby Bjorn if this thing takes. Meanwhile, I'll be asking anyone that'll listen to write a letter in protest and for God's sake don't let me see your rig parked near his joint.

Dear Mr. I-want-to-ruin-a-great-little-town and contribute-to-the-subjugation-of-women:

Let me introduce myself - I'm the one who walked by as you sat in the doorway of your tinted-window establishment this afternoon; I was the one pushing a stroller and hissing at you.

Are you out of your damn mind? You're going to put a strip club in a shared parking lot with the local grocery store. So when I send my kid to the store on his BMX for some milk, he's going to peddle his happy little self by your joint? Because, see, before this little brain child of yours, this was exactly the kind of town where I'd feel comfortable sending my kid down the street.

What possessed you to decide "hey, what this friendly, safe, clean and mellow town needs is some pole dancers in pasties?" What made you think that was going to be okay with us, the locals? What made you think property owners here wanted to invite perverts and people who disrespect themselves and their own families from near and far to get off and get drunk and drive around our town?

So help me God there isn't a person I'm not going to talk to about this and encourage to write a letter during this comment period. And if, as I suspect it will, be passed, I will be the one picketing with my baby tucked into his Bjorn.

With disgust and dismay,

Nathalie Hardy

Dear Manager

I do not recommend the Best Western hotel in McMinnville. I've written a letter to the manager but thought I'd share it with you as well to keep in mind when you're making your travel arrangements.

Dear Manager,

I am writing to let you know how disappointed I was in our stay at your hotel on Saturday, February 16^th. We checked in hoping for a nice, relaxing evening and a reprieve from the construction chaos at our home in Carlton. I was looking forward to a nice, clean room and a relaxing shower. Imagine our surprise when we walked into a smoking room that smelled so badly everything we packed with us had to be washed twice to rid the stench. I did not appreciate having my infant stay in such a disgusting room. We did call the front desk requesting a room change but unfortunately were told the hotel was full.

My frustration turned to fury when I went to take a shower and found the water barely dribbling from the showerhead. I’ve had better showers at KOA campgrounds. For $100, I expect to be able to take a decent, if not luxurious, shower.

Finally, and I’m really not sure what you can do about this, we were woken up at 2:30 in the morning by the sound of our neighbors having sex. It was awesome. Specifically what woke us was the sound of the springs in the mattress and the headboard moving.

If you can do something about these things, it might help your next guests in room X avoid feeling like they spent the night in a smoky brothel.

Banned Books Week

October seems to be a very big "awareness" month - domestic violence, breast cancer, shelter animals and banned books week, to name a few. Subjects we should be aware of 365 days a year, not just the days leading up to Halloween, but whatever.

Banned Books Week - September 29, 2007 - October 6, 2007

If you're not in the school or public library system, or talking to people who are, it is easy to forget that our first amendment rights are being challenged more often than we realize. That's the one about congress not making any laws "Respecting an Establishment of Religion, or Prohibiting the Free Exercise Thereof; or Abridging the Freedom of Speech, or of the Press; or the Right of the People Peaceably to Assemble, and To Petition the Government for a Redress of Grievances.”

The trick for me, though, is to remember that it's not just like-minded people who have a right to speak freely. Even if it is Ann Coulter.

“If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.”—Noam Chomsky, speaking in a BBC television interview with John Pilger on The Late Show (1992)

When Matt was teaching high school English, I was stunned at the books parents wanted to protect their children from. I mean, God forbid they were exposed to new and different ideas. I'm proud to have a husband and friends who taught and teach these "dangerous" books. And I can't wait to share some of my favorites with Baby Chi Chi and see which ones he picks up on his own. However, if he hates reading, I will consider that an act of aggression against us. My parents, for all their strictness, never, ever censored my reading. My dad would raise his eyebrows at some of my choices and question if it was the best use of my time, but he always respected my right to read whatever interested me. And a lot of those books are on this list of most frequently challenged books of 1999-2000.

F word

What is a feminist?

Really, could the word be any more emotionally loaded?

I listened to an interview this morning with Jessica Valenti, creator of the Feministing blog and author of "Full Frontal Feminism." It reminded me of how disappointed I was when I read an interview where Susan Sarandon said she didn't call herself a feminist. I remember thinking, "If she's not a feminist, who is?" Valenti says in her book that a lot of women in our generation actually are feminists but refuse to call themselves such because of the stereotypes around feminism, as in the notion that to be a card-carrying member of the club you have to be a hairy-legged, bra-burning lesbian.

It also got me thinking back to a time when I considered it an "f" word of sorts. Of course I believed in equality! But did I really have to be a feminist to do that? Aren't feminists exhausted by being all agro all the time? I really bought into the idea that to be a feminist I had to be an angry man-hater. I liked guys. In fact, at that time I was particularly into dating pigs.

I'm not sure exactly when, but I realized that for me, being a feminist is about believing in equality and respecting the choices other women make. I'm proud of being one now. And I'm happy to be married to a man who bought this plaque for his classroom: "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." I'm on the lookout for a onesie for Baby Chi Chi that says "Future Feminist."

Ani DiFranco addresses this on her album Educated Guess. This is an expert from her song "Grand Canyon of Light"

Like, say, the women who gave their lives
So that I could have one

People, we are standing at ground zero
Of the feminist revolution
Yeah, it was an inside job
Stoic and sly
One we're supposed to forget
And downplay and deny
But I think the time is nothing
If not nigh
To let the truth out
Coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
I mean
Why can't all decent men and women
Call themselves feminists?
Out of respect
For those who fought for this
I mean, look around
We have this