Nathalie's Notes

What a great little town doesn't need

If you've talked to me for more than ten minutes, you probably know where I stand on the issue of strip clubs, porn shops and the like. Imagine my surprise while reading Saturday's News-Register that a bar on my street will be adding "adult entertainment" to the menu. Awesome.

Let me paint a little picture for you. I walk around this town pushing Sam's stroller feeling safe and grateful to live here every single day. A typical day's walk usually includes a stop at the post office, the coffee stand (even if it's just to say hi), a trip through the local grocery store to recycle cans/bottles and strolling around this "great little town" (that really is the town motto).

So I have to wonder what kind of person walks around this "Great Little Town" with its safe neighborhoods, children riding BMX's and playing at the park, its outdoor pool and friendly people and says to themselves, "Man, all this little town needs now is a strip club." No one. That's who.

What I got from the city council meeting last night was that while the council can't do much to stop it from coming, the citizens can apply enough (legal) pressure to encourage the owner this isn't the place for his, uh, enterprise.

So Sam might be joining his first picket line via Baby Bjorn if this thing takes. Meanwhile, I'll be asking anyone that'll listen to write a letter in protest and for God's sake don't let me see your rig parked near his joint.

Dear Mr. I-want-to-ruin-a-great-little-town and contribute-to-the-subjugation-of-women:

Let me introduce myself - I'm the one who walked by as you sat in the doorway of your tinted-window establishment this afternoon; I was the one pushing a stroller and hissing at you.

Are you out of your damn mind? You're going to put a strip club in a shared parking lot with the local grocery store. So when I send my kid to the store on his BMX for some milk, he's going to peddle his happy little self by your joint? Because, see, before this little brain child of yours, this was exactly the kind of town where I'd feel comfortable sending my kid down the street.

What possessed you to decide "hey, what this friendly, safe, clean and mellow town needs is some pole dancers in pasties?" What made you think that was going to be okay with us, the locals? What made you think property owners here wanted to invite perverts and people who disrespect themselves and their own families from near and far to get off and get drunk and drive around our town?

So help me God there isn't a person I'm not going to talk to about this and encourage to write a letter during this comment period. And if, as I suspect it will, be passed, I will be the one picketing with my baby tucked into his Bjorn.

With disgust and dismay,

Nathalie Hardy

Dear Manager

I do not recommend the Best Western hotel in McMinnville. I've written a letter to the manager but thought I'd share it with you as well to keep in mind when you're making your travel arrangements.

Dear Manager,

I am writing to let you know how disappointed I was in our stay at your hotel on Saturday, February 16^th. We checked in hoping for a nice, relaxing evening and a reprieve from the construction chaos at our home in Carlton. I was looking forward to a nice, clean room and a relaxing shower. Imagine our surprise when we walked into a smoking room that smelled so badly everything we packed with us had to be washed twice to rid the stench. I did not appreciate having my infant stay in such a disgusting room. We did call the front desk requesting a room change but unfortunately were told the hotel was full.

My frustration turned to fury when I went to take a shower and found the water barely dribbling from the showerhead. I’ve had better showers at KOA campgrounds. For $100, I expect to be able to take a decent, if not luxurious, shower.

Finally, and I’m really not sure what you can do about this, we were woken up at 2:30 in the morning by the sound of our neighbors having sex. It was awesome. Specifically what woke us was the sound of the springs in the mattress and the headboard moving.

If you can do something about these things, it might help your next guests in room X avoid feeling like they spent the night in a smoky brothel.

Banned Books Week

October seems to be a very big "awareness" month - domestic violence, breast cancer, shelter animals and banned books week, to name a few. Subjects we should be aware of 365 days a year, not just the days leading up to Halloween, but whatever.

Banned Books Week - September 29, 2007 - October 6, 2007

If you're not in the school or public library system, or talking to people who are, it is easy to forget that our first amendment rights are being challenged more often than we realize. That's the one about congress not making any laws "Respecting an Establishment of Religion, or Prohibiting the Free Exercise Thereof; or Abridging the Freedom of Speech, or of the Press; or the Right of the People Peaceably to Assemble, and To Petition the Government for a Redress of Grievances.”

The trick for me, though, is to remember that it's not just like-minded people who have a right to speak freely. Even if it is Ann Coulter.

“If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.”—Noam Chomsky, speaking in a BBC television interview with John Pilger on The Late Show (1992)

When Matt was teaching high school English, I was stunned at the books parents wanted to protect their children from. I mean, God forbid they were exposed to new and different ideas. I'm proud to have a husband and friends who taught and teach these "dangerous" books. And I can't wait to share some of my favorites with Baby Chi Chi and see which ones he picks up on his own. However, if he hates reading, I will consider that an act of aggression against us. My parents, for all their strictness, never, ever censored my reading. My dad would raise his eyebrows at some of my choices and question if it was the best use of my time, but he always respected my right to read whatever interested me. And a lot of those books are on this list of most frequently challenged books of 1999-2000.

F word

What is a feminist?

Really, could the word be any more emotionally loaded?

I listened to an interview this morning with Jessica Valenti, creator of the Feministing blog and author of "Full Frontal Feminism." It reminded me of how disappointed I was when I read an interview where Susan Sarandon said she didn't call herself a feminist. I remember thinking, "If she's not a feminist, who is?" Valenti says in her book that a lot of women in our generation actually are feminists but refuse to call themselves such because of the stereotypes around feminism, as in the notion that to be a card-carrying member of the club you have to be a hairy-legged, bra-burning lesbian.

It also got me thinking back to a time when I considered it an "f" word of sorts. Of course I believed in equality! But did I really have to be a feminist to do that? Aren't feminists exhausted by being all agro all the time? I really bought into the idea that to be a feminist I had to be an angry man-hater. I liked guys. In fact, at that time I was particularly into dating pigs.

I'm not sure exactly when, but I realized that for me, being a feminist is about believing in equality and respecting the choices other women make. I'm proud of being one now. And I'm happy to be married to a man who bought this plaque for his classroom: "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." I'm on the lookout for a onesie for Baby Chi Chi that says "Future Feminist."

Ani DiFranco addresses this on her album Educated Guess. This is an expert from her song "Grand Canyon of Light"

Like, say, the women who gave their lives
So that I could have one

People, we are standing at ground zero
Of the feminist revolution
Yeah, it was an inside job
Stoic and sly
One we're supposed to forget
And downplay and deny
But I think the time is nothing
If not nigh
To let the truth out
Coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
I mean
Why can't all decent men and women
Call themselves feminists?
Out of respect
For those who fought for this
I mean, look around
We have this

As long as you're curious

I was perfectly willing to wait patiently until all the information was available before weighing in on this whole Patton Middle School "Party Boy" debacle. Until this article in the News-Register.

I don't agree with pretending these boys didn't know better. What 13-year-old in his right frickin' mind grabs a girl's breasts because "he wanted to know how hard they were?" True story. And his lawyer says this is "not sexual. It's curiosity." Here's a clue bud, if you're curious about something, Google it, and keep your curious little hands to yourself because the rest of us might not be as forgiving as your well-paid, victim's-rights-ignoring lawyer. Do I think these boys should have felonies on their rap sheets and have to register as sexual predators forever? Of course not. But I also think they need to take responsibility for their actions and not pretend that they didn't do something really wrong. Hey boys, go ahead and write this one down: when you touch a girl and she says "no," knock it off. Your next lawyer might not be so nice and the next town you live in might not have insane people wearing "Free Cory and Ryan" t-shirts. Even though they're not in jail.

Allowing this lawyer and these boys to get off with the whole "boys will be boys" bullshit infuriates me because it's not right to the victims, who by the way are being pressured and polled to drop charges, AND it's not right to the rest of the boys who are ABLE to comprehend the fact that they are NOT entitled to do whatever they want to another person's body. Even if they are "just curious."

Having worked in a middle school, I can assure you that while kids that age are still developing and have much to learn, we do nothing to help set their moral compass by excusing harassment as simply "normal" shenanigans. I love it when people say things like, "in my day, we could do (insert inappropriate behavior here) and no one thought a thing about it." Well, it didn't make it any less wrong.

Remember Friday Flip up Day? Yeah, not so funny if you're the kid who's days of the week underwear is being made fun of until you changed schools. I'm just saying ... A few highlights from the article:

McMinnville attorney Mark Lawrence, representing one of the boys, has been at the forefront in accusing authorities of overreacting. He said they were engaging in nothing more than adolescent horseplay when they rubbed up against girls as part of a suggestive dance routine, slapped them on their bottoms or poked, cupped or lifted their breasts.

"We have called it criminal when it's absolutely normal and natural," he complained.

later in the story:

In this case, one of the key areas of disagreement is to what extent the boys' actions can truly be considered sexual, given their ages.

Lawrence maintains the boys are too young to be motivated by sexual gratification. He said they were acting out of adolescent confusion and curiosity.

"Swatting a girl on the rear end obviously isn't for sexual gratification," he said.

Lawrence continued, "The breast poke referred to by Cory, when he's asked, 'Why did you poke the young lady's breast?' the answer is, he wanted to know how hard they were."

In a different article, this awesome lawyer doing his part to ensure the success of this next generation, has this to say:

He also argues statements victims made to police should be thrown out because they were brought in for questioning without a female officer or administrator present. "We all know that men are more domineering, and it is harder for a young woman to talk to a man and describe what happened to her," he said.

Finally, Lawrence said he will be filing a notice with the court of his intent to offer evidence of past sexual behavior on the part of the victims in the case. However, he made it clear such inquiry would be limited to swatting.

Today boys and girls, we learn about sexism and victim blaming. Get curious about that.

Stupid Baby Class

Must read: Nine Months in August by Adriana Bourgoin. It is awesome. As soon as I get it back from Amy I'll tell you more about why but unless you need it spelled out, check it out for yourself asap. It was so damn good I had to write the author immediately upon finishing it because she had to know how awesome it was and how much I loved the characters and the entire process of reading it. At first glance, someone could be convinced it's only relevant for pregnant people or those who have been pregnant at some point. Not so. It's relevant for any human being who's been in a maddening relationship with a parent or friend. The kind where love and history keep you dialing her number but you hang up most of the time wondering "why GOD why!? do I do this to myself?" It's about the way life gets turned upside down and ends up okay anyhow.

I want you to read it so we can talk about it! If I was a book club person this would be on the list. At the top. It's one of those books where the characters and parts of the story stay with you. For instance, with this whole stupid baby class thing tomorrow, the one thing I am looking forward to doing is taking a page out of the main character's book and taking notes on the other couples in class. An opportunity to meet strangers is always a fun thing. For me. Like jury duty. I was the only one taking notes.

Juror #1873: Are we supposed to be taking notes?

Me: Shrug.

Juror #1873: What are you writing?

Me: About you. Wink. Just Kidding. (But not really.)

Back to the stupid baby class. Did I mention by the way that it's practically a retreat? You should've seen Matt's face when I told him our options for the class.

Me: So we can take the class every Wednesday for six weeks at 6:30 p.m. or we can do a weekend long blitz and be done with it. I vote for option B for Blitz.

Matt: You mean like a retreat? With strangers.

Me: Grinning ear to ear. Yup.

Matt: Fine, whatever.

Our friends who recently "graduated" from their stupid baby class mentioned that everyone else in their class already had car seats purchased. And, get this, they were already all installed. Over. Achievers.

Another friend mentioned that it was great to have her husband at the class because he retained information she'd forgotten. I definitely see this being the case for us. Matt is a much, much better student than I am. I'll be able to tell you all about everyone's feelings and personal dramas by the end of the weekend. Matt, he'll be paying attention and remembering important things like what I'm supposed to do on D-day.

Eloquence

Isn't this just so eloquent? I'm hoping this isn't an approved message by the Obama Campaign ... I remember the first time I head the expression "bros before hos" was when my brother was living in a fraternity in Seattle. It horrified me then that ho was an acceptable substitute for women ... and now to see it being used in a campaign against two candidates for presidency ... this is certainly going to be an interesting campaign season, to say the least.

As if 6th grade wasn't hard enough

Nearly choked on my lunch to see this headline on the front page of the Oregonian:

"Divorced parents clash over 12-year-old son's circumcision." Because, you know, being in 6th grade isn't hard enough. As I was muttering about it, someone in the staff room said it was awful for the whole world to have to know about it. But really, that's just not as bad as every kid in the PE locker room of your middle school looking at ya funny. WHO are these people?! 

So, Mr. McCain ... when you say freedom, you mean?

So we're watching NBC Nightly News, I'm calm until we get to the part about 6 more soldiers killed in Iraq. Just yesterday I freaked out at Blockbuster about how sick I am of seeing the flag flying at fucking half-mast. Why is this still happening people?! What are we really accomplishing? And why are so many people still willing to accept the bullshit from the White House? Matt escorted me back to the car where I eventually calmed down. Until tonight. Here is an example of the kind of thinking that makes me out-of-my-mind crazy.

In a conference in Baghdad, Senator John McCain was asked by a reporter about the comment he made the other day that there are safe neighborhoods in Baghdad where you can walk around freely.

His answer to the reporter's question:

"I know you can, I just came from one."

Funny thing - He did not mention that he had to be escorted by 100 heavily armed United States soldiers, 2 Black Hawk helicopters, a couple of Apache attack helicopters hovering above, and whatever else to keep his privileged important ass safe. So I'm sorry, Mr. McCain, I guess I'm confused about what version of freedom we're talking about here. When you talk about Operation Free Iraq, or what the fuck ever, you must not be talking about the kind of freedom we enjoy here in the States. Because WHO in Iraq besides the Visiting Important People can afford that kind of an entourage to keep their dumb ass out of harm's way. How dare you refer to that as an example of progress?

Why Bitching Works

Since we got Lucy, my schedule has changed a little. Okay, a lot. Lunch time looks a little like this: Leave work as close to 11:30 as possible. Take bank deposit so the trip home counts as work time, buying back six minutes. Which counts for a lot during a 30 minute break. Head home, let Lucy out, pet, scratch, hug and do our little dance. Of course we have a special little dance, it's me! And possibly clean up any little mess she's left. Lately though, knock on wood, her accidents have been more of a "Hey, you jerks! You taught me to go outside but you're ignoring that I need to go out right now. So, to teach you to keep a better eye on me, I'll find a sneaky place to go. Or, I'll go right under your feet while your back is turned so you're good and mad when you turn around and step in it." 

But I digress. Then I drag her kennel to the back yard where Matt built her a fence so she's got a lot of room to play and tear shit up. Is steel wool okay for her to eat? She seemed to manage the better part of the bag she pulled out of Matt's tool bag.

Then I set out her food and water and wipe up the water that spilled while she jumped on me as I was carrying it out. After we play a tiny bit more, I encourage her to go have fun and promise I'll be back soon. She stares at me sadly. I feel guilty but have about four minutes to get something for myself to eat and head back to work.

So the other day, I go through my whole routine and as I'm eating the first thing I could pull out of the fridge to call lunch, a stick of string cheese, I notice a yellow ticket on my car. What the hell? I jerk the ticket out from under the windshield to find I've been fined $15.00 for this violation "Wrong Side of Street." Really? People are doing crank all over town and you assholes are writing tickets for parking on the wrong side of the street? Well, I sure feel safer.

I know it's stupid to be pissed about $15.00. But it's the principle I'm ticked about. I've been parking like this for the 2 and 1/2 years we've lived here. And so does everyone else. I know that isn't a very good argument in court, "hey, man! I've been parking illegally for two years. Besides, everybody else does it." BUT in this case, I think it IS a sound argument. Ever heard of a warning Officer Noble? So I bitched about it at every opportunity. The post office, the banks, both grocery stores (more like grocery marts), and at school to anyone who asked "how's it going?" But eventually decided to pay it because it is after all only $15 and because I was doing something wrong. I also decided I would hiss every time Officer Noble drove by.

Imagine my surprise when Matt told me Saturday that Officer Noble stopped by our house, lights on (?) and told Matt he'd observed we'd started parking our cars correctly and that he would like to rip up the ticket.

Power to the people, baby! Even if it is just bitching to anyone that'll listen. Matt isn't so sure that is the lesson I was supposed to take from this.